Bisexual and Pansexual: Understanding the Meanings and Embracing Your Identity
LGBTQIA+ Unsplash photo by: Alexander Grey @sharonmccutcheon
Bisexual and Pansexual: What They Mean, Myths, and Why Identity Matters
Last updated: March 18, 2025
Way too often, the 'B' in LGBTQIA+ is put on the back burner, not taken seriously, or even considered non-existent. In some LGBTQIA+ spaces, I’ve come up against assumptions like a bi woman is really straight, just playing house, or “on the way to gay.” It’s painful, it delegitimizes bisexuality, and frankly, it pisses me off.
Bisexuality does exist. Some of us are attracted to people regardless of gender. Bisexual people are in all walks of society, and everywhere in the world.
If you’re wondering, “Am I bisexual?” here's a handy checkpoint: When you think about the people you've been attracted to in your life, were they all of the same gender? If you answered "No,” it’s valid to call yourself bi. It doesn’t matter how attracted you are to various genders, whether you’ve had a same-gender relationship, or how your relationship currently appears.
Once you stop being exclusively attracted to one gender, you’re bi (or pan, or bi+). You’re no longer straight. Period.
What Does It Mean to Be Bisexual?
According to Merriam-Webster, bisexual is defined as:
“Of, relating to, or characterized by sexual or romantic attraction to people of one's same sex and of the opposite sex; also: of, relating to, or characterized by sexual or romantic attraction to people of one's own gender identity and of other gender identities.”
Easy as that.
Well—maybe not quite so easy. Because when we’re talking about bisexuality, there’s a buffet of related labels to explore:
Biromantic
Bicurious
Omnisexual
Pansexual
Bi+
Queer
Each one reflects a slightly different shade of non-monosexual identity.
Bisexual vs. Pansexual: What's the Difference?
There are few questions asked quite as often—or debated as fiercely—as this one: What’s the difference between bisexual and pansexual?
And it’s not just confused straight folks asking. These are real questions from people trying to figure themselves out—from within the LGBTQIA+ community, and even from those of us who've been using one of these terms for decades.
Here’s the thing: the definitions aren’t carved in stone. Language evolves. Our understanding of identity evolves. What matters most is what resonates for you.
Okay, back to the dictionary. According to Merriam-Webster, pansexual is defined as:
“Of, relating to, or characterized by sexual or romantic attraction that is not limited to people of a particular gender identity or sexual orientation.”
Traditionally, people say bisexual means being attracted to your own gender and other genders. Pansexual means being attracted to people regardless of gender—where gender simply isn’t a determining factor.
Some pan folks feel gender is irrelevant to their attraction; others have preferences but are open to all.
Some people argue that “bi” implies a strict male-female binary. But many of us in the bi+ community strongly push back on that. Robyn Ochs, a well-known bisexual activist, defines bisexuality as:
“The potential to be attracted romantically and/or sexually to people of more than one gender—not necessarily at the same time, not necessarily in the same way, and not necessarily to the same degree.”
That’s not binary. That’s fluid as hell.
LGBTQ+ Labels: Choosing What Feels True
How should a bisexual person identify? That’s up to you. You can call yourself bi-curious, pansexual, biromantic, omnisexual, queer—or anything else that captures your experience of attraction.
Sexuality isn’t fixed. It can evolve, stretch, or stay constant.
There’s no such thing as a “proper” bisexual or a “real” bisexual. You don’t need to prove it with receipts, relationships, or trauma. Your identity is valid—whether you’ve dated five people, fifty, or no one at all.
And let’s not forget one of the most ridiculous myths out there: that bisexuality—or any queer identity, really—is a fad.Let’s be clear: it’s not.
It’s true that more people—especially Gen Z—are identifying as LGBTQIA+, with bisexuality being the largest subgroup. That’s not a trend; it’s visibility.
You know what’s actually new? Being able to tell the truth about who we are.
Why I Use Bi+ and Queer
The debate can get heated when people start attaching moral value to these labels. Like saying one is more inclusive or evolved than the other. That does more harm than good.
Here’s what I know: trying out different labels is part of the journey.
Personally, I’ve used the term bisexual since my teens. In the 1970s, it was the only word I had. These days, I tend to use Bi+—partly because it reflects more nuance, and partly because I’ve lived in that identity for decades.
While bisexual still feels like home, I find myself most at ease with Bi+ and queer these days.
Bi Erasure Is Real
Let’s be real: bi erasure is still happening—especially for those of us in straight-passing relationships. Some queer folks assume we’ve sold out. Some straight folks assume we’re “just experimenting.”
And when you’re bi and highly sensitive, it hits harder. The invalidation, the assumptions, the internal questioning—it’s exhausting. You start to wonder:
Am I queer enough to count?
Do I belong here?
Do I have to come out again and again just to be visible?
This is why visibility matters. Not because we owe anyone an explanation—but because the more we talk about bisexuality, the harder it becomes to pretend we don’t exist.
Why Does Bi+ Erasure Happen?
Let’s be real: bi erasure is still happening—especially for those of us in straight-passing relationships.
And when you’re bi and highly sensitive, it hits harder. The invalidation, the assumptions, the internal questioning—it’s exhausting. You start to wonder:
Am I queer enough to count?
Do I belong here?
Do I have to come out again and again just to be visible?
This is why visibility matters.
Myths and Misconceptions about Bisexuality and Pansexuality
If you find the labels confusing, that’s normal. Here are some of the most persistent (and ridiculous) myths we need to retire:
Common Myths About Bisexuality:
"Bisexuality is confusing, so bi people must be confused."
"Bisexuality is just a phase."
"Bisexuality means being equally attracted to men and women."
"Bisexuals aren’t really queer."
"Bi means two, so bisexuality is transphobic."
"Bisexual people are only attracted to cis people."
Pansexuality Myths:
"Pansexual means you’re attracted to everyone—including animals." (Gross. And no.)
"Pansexual means you have no preferences, no boundaries, and sleep with anyone."
Newsflash: being bi or pan doesn’t mean you’re confused, hypersexual, or unethical. It means you’re not confined.
Therapy Can Help You Untangle All of This
If you’re exploring your identity, questioning labels, or feeling stuck in a swirl of self-doubt—you don’t have to figure it out alone.
Therapy can help you unpack internalized shame, navigate coming out (if and when you're ready), and deal with the trauma of being invisible or misunderstood.
And yes—therapy really can help. A whole hell of a lot.
A number of my clients have shared that they’ve had a hard time finding a therapist who truly understands the complexity and fluidity of sexual identity—bi, pan, queer, questioning, all of it.
Final Thoughts: You Get to Define You
Understanding bisexuality means embracing complexity, choosing your language, and pushing back against old narratives.
Whether you’re bi, pan, queer, or questioning—you don’t have to explain yourself to be valid.
You deserve to be seen. You deserve to be heard. You deserve to exist without having to justify that existence.
In another post, I’ll be digging deeper into the myths and misconceptions that still plague the bi+ community. Until then? Call yourself whatever the hell feels right.
You’re real. You belong. And you’re not alone.
Disclaimer: This blog shares my reflections on mental health but is not a substitute for therapy. The advice is general and may not fit everyone. If you're struggling, please seek support from a licensed mental health professional.
