Bisexual and Pansexual: Understanding the Meanings and Embracing Your Identity
LGBTQIA+ Unsplash photo by: Alexander Grey @sharonmccutcheon
A Look At the “B” in LGBTQ
Way too often, the 'B' in LGBTQIA+ is put on the back burner, not taken seriously, or even considered non-existent. In some LGBTQIA+ spaces, I’ve come up against assumptions like a bi woman is really straight, just playing house, or “on the way to gay.” It’s painful, it delegitimizes bisexuality, and frankly, it pisses me off.
Bisexuality does exist. Some of us are attracted to people regardless of gender. Bisexual people are in all walks of society, and everywhere in the world.
If you’re wondering, “Am I bisexual?” here's a handy checklist: When you think about the people you've been attracted to in your life, were they all of the same gender? If you answered "No,” I think it's okay to call yourself bi.
It doesn’t really matter how attracted you are to the various genders or gender expressions around you—or if you’ve ever been intimate with someone of a different gender than you. When you stop being exclusively attracted to only one gender - or gender expression - other than your own, you’re bi.
But, am I? Let’s look at the official definition of bisexual, and what it means to be bi.
The Definition of Bisexuality
According to Merriam-Webster, the definition of bisexual is: “of, relating to, or characterized by sexual or romantic attraction to people of one's same sex and of the opposite sex also: of, relating to, or characterized by sexual or romantic attraction to people of one's own gender identity and of other gender identities”
Easy as that.
Well, maybe not quite so easy. When we’re talking about bisexuality, there’s actually a number of labels to choose from, including:
Bisexual
Bicurious
Pansexual
Biromantic
Omnisexual
I’m not going to give all of the definitions in this blogpost, but because there’s some debate and contention about what it means to be bisexual vs. pansexual, I do want to address that here.
What’s the Difference Between Bisexual and Pansexual?
Okay, back to the dictionary. According to Merriam-Webster, the official definition of pansexual is:
of, relating to, or characterized by sexual or romantic attraction that is not limited to people of a particular gender identity or sexual orientation.
Pansexuality and bisexuality are similar, but not quite the same. Pansexuality is broader than bisexuality, and people who identify as pansexual may be attracted to people of all genders. Bisexuality is the attraction to two or more genders, but not necessarily all. People who identify as bisexual may be pansexual, but not necessarily.
Because “bisexual” was traditionally considered an attraction to two (and presumably only two) genders, it’s sometimes seen as reinforcing a gender binary. However, as our understanding of gender and sexual fluidity has evolved—thank goodness—there’s been an ongoing debate about the difference between bisexual and pansexual.
The lines between bisexuality and pansexuality have become increasingly blurred. Many people continue to use the term bisexual because it’s more widely recognized than pansexual. Some folks identify as bisexual, others as pansexual, or queer—anything really that’s non-monosexual. And some of us like more than one label.
What's in a name?
How should a bisexual person identify? Well, it’s up to you. You can call yourself bi-curious, pansexual, biromantic, or omnisexual—whatever works and feels comfortable to describe a non-monosexual attraction. Some people identify as straight and have same-sex attractions. Some identify as gay and have different-sex attractions.
There’s no such thing as a "proper" bisexual or a “real” bisexual. At different times in your life, you might be attracted to only one gender, or you might be attracted to two or more genders or gender expressions your whole life. You may have physical experiences with someone of a different gender—or not.
I grew up with the term bisexual and have identified as bi since somewhere between 14 and 16. In the 1970s, gender fluidity wasn’t talked about very much, so I’ve been bi for years.
That said, I do find “bisexual” to be too binary, and now primarily identify as bi+ or queer. “Queer,” though, is another ball of wax, and something I’ll be writing about in a future blog post.
However you decide to identify—whatever feels right—go for it. It’s all about personal choice.
Myths and Misconceptions about Bisexuality
If you find the labels confusing, it’s a great segue to a few prominent myths and misconceptions about bisexuality—one of them being the belief that bisexuals are confused.
In my next blog post, I’ll be writing about these myths in depth. For now, here are a few of the common myths and misconceptions:
Bi means two, so bisexuality is transphobic
Bisexuality is just a phase
Bisexuality is being equally attracted to men and women
Bisexuals aren't queer
Bisexuality confuses me, so bisexuals must be confused
Some people have certain ideas about bisexuals that are largely based on assumptions, myths, and stereotypes. While the titles might be confusing, and we all live life differently, it doesn’t mean bi folks—or at least all of them—are confused.
Final Thoughts
Understanding bisexuality involves navigating through various labels and addressing common myths. How you choose to self-identify is up to you—whether it's bisexual, bi-curious, pansexual, biromantic, omnisexual, or any other label that fits. The important thing is that you feel comfortable and true to yourself.
Stay tuned for my next blog post, where I’ll dive deeper into these myths and misconceptions to further clear up any confusion and provide a better understanding of bisexuality.
