Unpacking Failure, Rejection, and the Unknown

We all know that gut-wrenching moment: your heart's pounding, your stomach's in knots, and you're caught in a mixture of excitement and dread.

Fear unfiltered—thrilling yet terrifying.

As a straight-passing bisexual woman, I've often masked my queerness. Hiding in the double closet has given me an understanding of fear and its impact on LGBTQIA+ identity.

In this blog series, I explore fear - a primal and complex emotion. It safeguards us but can also keep us trapped in the familiar.

For queer folks, fear is often amplified by societal scrutiny. Balancing self-truth with safety can be exhausting, especially with LGBTQ+ rights constantly under siege in today’s political climate.

The decision to come out or remain closeted is often filled with fear of the unknown, fear of rejection, discrimination, or even violence—a weight that can impact our mental and emotional health, and influence our life choices and experiences.

Fight, Flight, Freeze

Fear is an evolutionary gift that once shielded early humans from predators like the saber tooth tiger. Today, our brains still trigger the same fight, flight, or freeze responses to modern challenges, as if we’re still facing ancient threats.

Understanding the Most Common Fears: Failure, Rejection, and the Unknown

Let’s dissect three of the biggest fears: fear of failure, fear of rejection, and fear of the unknown.

1. Fear of Failure: Learning from Setbacks

Picture this: You’ve been eyeing that entrepreneurial leap for what feels like a lifetime. You feel ready, you feel pumped, but are frozen with dread. What if you don’t succeed? What if it all falls apart?

Fear of failure can keep us stuck in the familiar. For the LGBTQ+ community, the stakes can feel even higher with the added weight of societal judgment or not fitting the mold.

In her journey, Michelle Obama encountered setbacks, like questioning her career in corporate law and finding her true calling in public service, which speaks volumes about facing fears. She embodies the belief that "Failure is a part of the process. You just learn to pick yourself back up." Her story is a testament to the strength found in confronting and learning from our fears, turning potential failures into lessons of resilience and determination.

Embracing these lessons, especially in the context of fear of failure, can transform how we approach our challenges, encouraging us to step beyond the familiar and into the growth that lies in the unknown.Setbacks don’t have to be the end. "Failing" can be a chance to grow and get stronger, pushing us to confront our fears and ultimately realize our potential.

Setbacks don’t have to be the end. “Failing” can be a chance to grow and get stronger.

2. Fear of Rejection: Finding Strength in Authenticity

Talking about "authenticity" might feel cliché, yet it's at the heart of facing rejection. As a straight passing bi+ woman, coming out of the ‘double closet’ means the possibility of facing rejection or dismissal from both straight and LGBTQ+ communities.

This rejection, rooted in misunderstandings and assumptions, challenges many bisexuals to remain invisible.

Brené Brown speaks to this struggle, emphasizing the importance of visibility and bravery: "Courage is showing up and being visible." Facing rejection means embracing our true selves, regardless of judgment.

Embracing these lessons, especially in the context of fear of failure, can transform how we approach our challenges, encouraging us to step beyond the familiar and into the growth that lies in the unknown.

Setbacks don’t have to be the end. "Failing" can be a chance to grow and get stronger.

3. Fear of the Unknown: Stepping Beyond the Comfort Zone

Navigating the unknown is like exploring a dark room without a flashlight. Fear of new things can be paralyzing, keeping us stuck to the familiar, no matter how uncomfortable or unhealthy it may be. Yet, embracing uncertainty paves the way for personal growth and discovery.

Kate Brown, former Oregon Governor and the first openly bisexual U.S. governor, faced down ignorance with courage. Mocked by Tucker Carlson in 2023, she responded: “To every bisexual person out there struggling to explain to your friends and family who you are and who you love: you are not alone. Don't let the bullies stop you from being true to yourself. You might even be a governor someday.”

Her message, reinforced by Lady Gaga’s encouragement to embrace our flaws and heal through kindness, inspires us to be authentic. About fear, Lady Gaga says: "I allow myself to fail. I allow myself to break. I'm not afraid of my flaws."

Conclusion: Embracing Fear for Growth

Fear is often seen in a negative light, but it’s more than an obstacle—it’s a catalyst for growth. It can push us to confront challenges and build resilience.

Fear influences our decisions, actions, and ultimately, our life's path. It informs us, it shapes us, but by tackling it head-on—whether it's fear of failure, rejection, or the unknown—we unlock the possibility for growth, resilience, and courage.

In the queer community, fear is intensified by societal biases and discrimination, demanding incredible courage to live as oneself in a world that doesn’t always understand or accept diverse sexual orientations and identities. Yet, it is within this community that we find the strength and solidarity to challenge norms and foster a more inclusive society.

We owe a debt of gratitude to the brave, and gutsy activists from the Stonewall Riots of the 1960s to the present day. Their courage in the face of fear has pushed the fight for acceptance, equality, and justice ahead, making significant headway in the LGBTQ+ rights movement.

Each step toward confronting our fear is a step towards realizing our full, kick-ass potential.

Ready to transform fear?

Stay tuned for Part 2 of 'Conversations About Fear,' ways to cope with, fear, and turn it into a driving force for change.

Check out: Embracing the Anxious Mind: Are There Positives to Anxiety?

Conversations About Fear Part 1