Thriving as a Sensitive Soul: Self-Care for LGBTQIA+ HSPs

Relax. You deserve it. Photo by takwa abdo Unsplash

Navigating the Overwhelming World as an HSP

The world can be loud and overwhelming for highly sensitive people (HSPs). Our heightened awareness of traffic, bright lights, crowded spaces, noises, words, and feelings, can leave us frazzled and exhausted. For HSPs, daily life often feels like too much. Highly sensitive women, especially those who are anxious, perfectionistic, and living outside the box, whether bisexual or non-heteronormative, often find themselves constantly exhausted

We can easily internalize negative messages from our environments—sometimes without even knowing—adding to our stress. As a straight-passing bi+ queer woman, I know this brings its own unique challenges and negatives. Our nervous system is wired differently than the majority of the population, and our brains are missing a filter while living in a society that feeds us information 24/7. By the end of the day, we can end up looking for a bed to crawl into, pull the sheets over out head, and never come out again.

Embracing Sensitivity as a Superpower

Being highly sensitive can be our superpower rather than our burden, but we have to learn how to get things turned around so our heads aren’t always spinning. Over the years, I've learned to include small increments of self-care into my daily routine to bring about more balance, calm, and harmony to my nervous system, brain, and my overall life. When I get off track and end up too far from my commitment to self-care, I begin to spiral into a swamp of anxiety stress.

The Importance of Maintenance

Over the years (and plenty of mess ups), I’ve come to realize that maintenance is a hell of a lot easier than catastrophe clean-up and recovery. If I've sunk into a hamster wheel of worry or some other equally dark place, it takes that much more time, effort, and commitment to get back to balance once again. Insight, along with a lot of trial and error, has taught me that I need to prioritize a few simple self-care practices to avoid a collision with a dark hole of anxious self-doubt and self-blame.

Creating a Super Self-Care Plan

A super self-care plan is a must for HSPs, especially during times of stress and uncertainty—like now during election time, with conservatives promising to save the world with anti-LGBTQIA+ legislation and prayer. Of course, I believe that prayer in school is against the constitution—but hey, they don't seem to care about law or humanity.

Prioritizing Yourself

Right now, putting everyone else first might be easiest. But, by putting yourself second, you’re not taking care of your emotional and physical health. Although it might seem like it, putting yourself first by taking time to do self care, doesn't mean you’re selfish. It's important that you take care of yourself. Your friends and family will thank you for it. And you will feel better and happier.

Creating a Self-Care Plan for Highly Sensitive Souls

Use the strategies below to make a plan so that when it all feels like too much, you can turn toward kindness and care instead of self-contempt and judgment. Here are some self-care practices to move from being stuck in daily stress, overwhelm, and exhaustion into a life of appreciation, mental balance, and emotionall equilibrium:

1. Stop Waiting for an Outside Miracle to Change Your Life

Sometimes it seems like people are waiting for a big miracle to change their life and suddenly make them happy. It's time for a reality check: How often does that happen? Life is about taking small steps—a bunch of small steps that lead to that big step. It's also about feeling vulnerable. A lot of people are waiting for the perfect time to make a change. Now, when will the timing ever be perfect? So, what are you waiting for? Start making the changes you want to make today. Change always feels scary. But you can always count on change; it's something you can't control.

2. Take an Interest in Your Physical and Mental Health

This is an important—and often overlooked—step in our overall physical and emotional self-care. It doesn't have to involve going down a Google Health rabbit hole. Staying healthy can mean a number of things, including getting whatever screenings you might need for your age (Google Health will know). Schedule regular checkups, not just with your doctor, but with your dentist as well. If you’re taking medication, be sure the dose is right, and you’re take it as prescribed. If you’re having problems with a medication - too many side effects for instance - talk to your provider about it.

Alternative health care is fantastic for HSPs. It can involve a combination of somatic tools, energy therapy, and traditional talk therapy, tailored to empower and build resilience while addressing your specific needs. Techniques such as nervous system release exercises help calm sensory overload. Integrating practices like visualization, breathing, and r strategies to create physical, mental, and emotional boundaries in managing daily stresses. Recognizing signs of overstimulation early and teaching HSPs to adapt to their environments can prevent the escalation of stress and anxiety.

3. Take Time to Recharge

HSPs usually need more time to recharge after intense sensory experiences. While it's not always possible to take time away, do your best to schedule down time. If you know you have a major project deadline coming up at work, make sure you're getting extra sleep at night. Plan periods of rest on the weekends, and strategically use time off when you start to feel depleted. You can even plan ten minutes to lie down after work or have a bath ritual after a hard day. Try to schedule alone time before big gatherings, and avoid back-to-back activities. If you have to do a bunch of stuff - plan extra time to relax, and recharge.

4. Cultivate Enjoyable Sensory Experiences

Many highly sensitive people spend their days trying to avoid or manage unpleasant sensory experiences, such as strong fragrances, loud traffic, fluorescent lighting, or uncomfortable textures. Though there are challenges to experiencing the world so deeply, you can also use it to your benefit to deeply enjoy positive sensory experiences. Use pleasant essential oils, listen to soft music, give yourself a massage, and wear soft, cozy clothes to bring enjoyable sensory experiences into your life.

5. Give Yourself Permission to Process

As a highly sensitive person, you process at a much greater depth than non-sensitive people. This means it may take more time to fully recognize and name your own emotions and ideas. You may end up feeling flustered or reactive if you don't have enough time to process the large amounts of data your brain is being given. It's okay to give yourself permission to process at your own pace. And it's okay to ask to return to the conversation after you've taken time to gather your thoughts and feelings.

6. Get to Know Your Inner Critic and Harsh Self-Talk

We all have an inner critic that can be mean as hell, constantly bombarding us with negative self-talk. Most of us haven’t spent much time getting clear about what our critic actually says. While it may sound odd, it helps to get to know, and even make friends with, this negative voice.

The inner critic often develops as a protective response to keep us safe, similar to how we develop perfectionist tendencies. Both are attempts to shield ourselves from judgment and failure. When we accept that many of the dysfunctional things we do come from a need to protect ourselves, we become less judgmental toward that part and ourselves. Once we befriend those parts, we can approach them with compassion and curiosity, recognizing that they have good motives, though they may be misguided. In some cases, the inner critic might be quite harmful and need to be redirected toward positive beliefs and actions.

As a bi+ HSP in a world that tends to want me to be quiet and invisible, I’ve found that internalized biphobia can be a part of my anxiety and negative thinking, even if I don't realize it.

7. Surround Yourself with Positive People

Your environment affects how you feel. If possible, stay away from negative people. This means at home and at work. Negative people can bring you down, but positive people can help you feel better and more optimistic about the future. Make a list of your closest five people. What is it you like about them? Are they on the positive or negative side? Do you feel inspired by them? If you answered "they're negative," what's the reason you're keeping them close?

8. Move Your Body

Taking care of your body is key—eat well, drink plenty of fluid, get enough sleep, and move your body! Go on a midday walk to de-stress from work. Take a five-minute dance break after you finish a project - or just because. Put on some music, and move. Be silly, sing out loud, and get those happy hormones moving. It’s important to include physical movement for your emotional and mental well being.

9. Connect with Nature

Get outside and put your feet in the grass, your face toward the sun. Walk a pet. It can be a 2 hour hike with a friend, or a 15 minute walk along the river. It doesn’t need to be a huge deal, but get outside and get present.

10. Pursue Meaning & Creativity

Sometimes, you may feel overwhelmed by the complexity of all your mind and body are trying to process. For people who intuit the world as deeply as you do, using creative outlets such as art, music, writing, and yoga can clear the clutter in your mind. Meaning-filled activities can help you make sense of the deeply impactful moments you experience every day.

11. You Are Worthy

Recognizing that we are all worthy and deserving is crucial. We are worthy just because we exist. You have to unpack the belief that your worth is tied to what you do or how much you accomplish. True self-worth comes from authenticity and our ability to accept ourselves as we are. This doesn't mean we should stop growing and improving ourselves, but we don’t have to be perfect, busy all the time, or reach some endpoint to prove something to ourselves or others.

As bisexual women, outside-the-box thinkers, and self-identified weirdos, we often internalize society's negative beliefs, leading to anxiety, perfectionism, and overworking. It’s essential to break this cycle and embrace our true selves to foster positive self-esteem and self-worth.

“How much we know and understand ourselves is critically important, but there is something that is even more essential to living a wholehearted life: loving ourselves.” — Brené Brown

12. Committing to Self-Care Practices Supports Balance & Wellbeing

The self-care practices in this article, help me create a balanced life and support my well-being. When I follow these practices regularly, I thrive! I encourage you to make a list of your own self-care practices and start using them today. If you don’t know where to begin, just pick one activity that will bring more calm, balance, and joy to your life. Keep it simple and use short increments of time for the best results. I usually spend 10-15 minutes picking up around the house, walk for 15-20 minutes a day, spend 15-20 minutes being quiet—meditation, and journal at the end of the day before bed.

13. What about Therapy?

Sometimes, we need extra help. Therapy can be a valuable part of self-care (which is why therapists also have therapy); a space where you can safely explore all that’s going on in your life, so you can begin to put in place all the things that make your life feel better for you.

Final Thoughts

Accept your limitations. If you feel tired, rest. It’s easy for sensitive people to become depleted or experience shifting moods. Notice when you’re off balance and take measures to regain it, recognizing that staying out of sorts for too long can lead to anxiety.

Understand boundaries. It’s important to care about your mood and health. Check in with yourself on how you feel around others. Were you feeling great until you were around someone in a bad mood? Recognize that your energetic boundaries can be thinner, and use coping strategies to find your center again. Don’t give to the point of depletion.

Finding balance means prioritizing things that nourish, invigorate, and calm you. Creating a balanced life isn’t always easy – for me, it's always a work in progress, but I'm closer to having a true self-care practice than ever before. If you fall off your self-care routine, give yourself grace and keep at it.

And hey, I don’t always follow through with my self-care. Sometimes I’m up at 3 am, binging Netflix or YouTube – and that’s okay. Remember, self-care is a journey, not a destination.

Check out my last blog: Why Is Self-Care So Challenging for Highly Sensitive People?

Disclaimer

My blog posts are my reflections and thoughts on mental health topics and do not replace therapy or getting support from a licensed mental health professional. The advice provided is general in nature and may not be suitable for everyone. If you are experiencing mental health issues, please seek personalized assistance from a qualified professional.

All rights reserved: Tori Corbett Counseling. 2024