Why Is Self-Care So Challenging for Highly Sensitive People?

HSP Sensory overload Photo by: Christopher Ott Unsplash

Let’s face it, life can be hard as hell.

For a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), it can feel like we're walking antennas, picking up on every damn sensory detail—sounds, smells, emotions, even facial cues and body language. Sometimes, we're not even aware our bodies are absorbing all this information, leaving us frazzled and grumpy without knowing why.

I know the feeling.

As a highly sensitive, bi+ human, I grew up thinking there was something wrong with me. The world felt loud and overwhelming, like the volume was always on high. Everything hit me right to the core.

As an adult, I can easily get sucked into the hustle culture mentality, where money, fame, and status are put on a pedestal. We’re expected to work too much, feel 'lazy' if we don’t, make split-second decisions, and stay busy, busy, busy—things that don't always come naturally to us HSPs.

It’s easy to end up feeling resentful and burned out.

The Sensory Overload

This emotional intensity makes sensitive souls more prone to anxiety, depression, and overwhelm. Establishing daily self-care routines and creating calm spaces to relax and decompress is essential.

While everyone needs self-care, if you’re extra sensitive and neurodivergent, it’s not a luxury; it’s a necessity. HSPs are quick to show compassion to others, but we tend to give ourselves a hard time for taking up space or having too many needs. God forbid we seem “needy.”

The Emotional Landscape

Growing up, most HSPs learn to stay small, keep our voices quiet, and be ready to take care of everyone around us. This maladaptive coping starts early, usually without us even realizing it - let alone remembering life before we took on the caretaker role. Taking time to care for ourselves becomes a lifelong struggle for most of us.

Kindness and compassion for others comes naturally for HSPs, but the way we treat ourselves is a different story. Learning to create a tender internal relationship; to treat ourselves as we would a neighbor, or a friend, is the golden rule we can learn to practice.

But, it’s not so easy, right? Creating a quiet, calm, nurturing environment for ourselves takes effort; it doesn’t just happen with the snap of a finger. The question is—why is it so damn difficult to be kind and take care of our own needs?

Common Obstacles to Self-Care

1. We Feel Selfish When We Put Ourselves First

This can be one of the hardest challenges for HSPs. Just the thought of taking up space and becoming visible can bring up a lot of anxiety. It’s easier to put our own needs on the back burner than it is to feel guilty for putting ourselves first.

The thing is, we teach people how to treat us. When the people we love are used to us taking care of them, it’s hard when we start saying “no” to them and “yes” to ourselves. It can be hard to believe that self-care isn't actually selfish - it just feels that way.

HSPs don’t want to disappoint anyone, so we often show up and give to others, even when it’s not good for us. Always giving leaves no room for ourselves. If the idea of saying “no” freaks you out, it’s a sure sign you struggle with setting boundaries—which also means you’re not great at your own self-care.

The thing is, we teach people how to treat us, and it’s hard when we start saying “no” to them, and “yes” to ourselves, making it hard to believe that self-care isn't actually selfish. It just feels that way.

I used to be a yes person to just about everyone and everything, even when I didn’t have the energy. Learning and practicing boundaries is hard work, but it’s the best thing I’ve done for my mental health. I’d be lying if I said I never feel guilty saying no—because I do. But I’m learning to say yes to my needs and sit with the discomfort that brings.

Practice. Practice. Practice.

2. Am I Worth it?

When we finally realize we need more time for ourselves, we often hit a wall of resistance. Deep down, thoughts about our worth can stop us from giving ourselves the care we need.

Society tells us to be self-sacrificing, to work hard, and to prioritize others’ needs over our own. This pressure to fit into a narrow definition of "normal"—whether that’s looking a certain way, working the perfect job, or keeping up with trends—can mess with our sense of self-worth, especially for those of us who are sensitive or neurodivergent.

Growing up around these expectations can lead to a false belief that we’re somehow wrong or unworthy of love and care. This can push us into over-giving, people-pleasing, and neglecting our own needs.

3. People-Pleasing as a Coping Mechanism

Many of us sensitives learn to please others as a way to be accepted. For those who grew up in difficult, chaotic homes, it might have felt safer to become “the helper” as a way to maintain harmony. This pattern can carry into adulthood, making it easy to lose sight of our own needs.

We might catch ourselves saying, "I don’t mind," or "Sure, I’ll help," without even thinking twice. This kind of behavior can become so ingrained that we don’t notice it until we start digging deeper.

Truth is, I’ve been working on this for years. While I’m much better at honoring my true needs, I still slip into old patterns when I’m stressed or find it hard to say “no.”

4. We Don’t Know What Feels Good for Us

Focusing so much on others can make us lose touch with our own needs. For sensitive folks, the world is overwhelming, and self-care often falls by the wayside. We need to start paying attention to what lights us up. What are you drawn to? What feels good? When was the last time you enjoyed nature just for fun? Spent a day with friends—or alone, if that’s what recharges you? If it feels good, fills you up, and doesn’t hurt anyone, it’s self-care.

It’s easy to think self-care is just yoga, meditation, or bubble baths—all good things. But it wasn’t until I started asking myself what I truly enjoyed that I found activities that gave me more energy. I love curling up with a trashy mystery, which used to make me feel guilty, like I was wasting time. Now? Sometimes I still need a permission slip (more on that later), but overall… Oh yeah, bring it on.

5. Society’s Messaging

Dominant culture in modern, Western society tells us that being sensitive is a weakness and that we must minimize our needs to be acceptable. We’re bombarded with messages to choose productivity over quality, to multitask instead of focusing, to be fast rather than slow, and to stay busy rather than rest—all things that often don’t suit us as HSPs.

For an HSP to prioritize their needs, they have to be comfortable going against the grain. This might mean saying no, being less available to others, focusing on one or two main commitments, resting more, and working differently. It’s not easy, but it’s necessary.

Final Thoughts

There are so many influences that impact our ability to remember ourselves and what we need. These are just a few of the main ones that often affect sensitives, but your reasons will be as unique as you are. The important thing is to become aware of what draws you away from yourself the most.

Remember, self-care isn’t selfish—it’s necessary. Allow yourself to rest when you are tired and make mistakes without judging yourself harshly. Understand that imperfection is part of your beauty.

Please take good care of yourself. Your well-being is essential for you and those who rely on you!

My next post will be about self-care, so be sure to check it out.

Check out: Highly Sensitive Soul: Why Can’t I Just Be Normal?

Disclaimer

My blog posts are my reflections and thoughts on mental health topics and do not replace therapy or getting support from a licensed mental health professional. The advice provided is general in nature and may not be suitable for everyone. If you are experiencing mental health issues, please seek personalized assistance from a qualified professional.

All rights reserved: Tori Corbett Counseling. 2024