Highly Sensitive Soul: Why Can’t I Just Be Normal?

Highly Sensitive Child

Growing up, I was quiet, quirky, and sensitive. And I mean 'Sensitive' with a capital 'S.' I was 'that' kid—shy, serious, and easily overwhelmed by smells, noises, the feeling of wool— you name it.

Disneyland? A nightmare. The smell of cotton candy, hotdogs, and SPF?  Hoards of screaming children, and screechy rides? No thanks. The Happiest Place on Earth felt like the smelliest, noisiest place ever.

The mall? Torture. I'd rather find a tree to climb, and read a book.

"You worry too much."  "Why do you take everything so personally?"  "Stop overthinking things."  "You need to toughen up."

I heard something like this on the daily.  To be fair, it did seem like I had awfully 'thin skin.' I felt everything deeply—from music and movies to words and the smell of the ocean  I could tell when my parents were fighting or when my mom was mad—even if no one said a thing.  Most of the time, I worried it was my fault.

I wish I had a penny for every time I asked, “What’s wrong?”

I thought being sensitive meant I was weak and boring. I hated it. I didn’t like being “picky,” but the feeling of scratchy socks on my skin was worse than asking for something different. I didn’t want to notice subtle tones of disapproval, or little things like a shirt tag on my neck. I didn’t want to be so damn worried or overwhelmed. I certainly didn’t want to cry at the drop of a hat.

Basically, I didn't want to be me.

Thing is, I was a very sensitive person. Still am. I didn’t know it then, but all these 'problems' were part of being a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP). And, as an HSP, my brain is wired differently than 78-80% of the population.

What Life is Really Like as a Highly Sensitive Person

"Highly Sensitive Person" (HSP) was first used by research psychologists Elaine and Arthur Aron in the mid-1990s. They found that somewhere between 15-20% of people process emotional and environmental information like sight, sound, and smell on a deeper level than most. The nervous systems of us HSPs can be easily overwhelmed and we often end up being called “picky,” “dramatic,” or overly emotional.

In 1997, the Highly Sensitive Person Scale (HSP Scale)was created by Elaine Aron to measure sensitivity as a personality trait. When I took the HSP quiz, I scored 21 out of 22.

Yep, I’m a Highly Sensitive Person.

When your nervous system is wired for increased sensitivity, it’s like the volume of everyday life has been turned up to eleven. Emotions, sounds, and smells—everything can feel disorienting, overwhelming, or stressful. For sensitive folks and empaths, it’s hard for others to understand, and you can end up feeling misunderstood.

This disconnect can lead highly sensitive people to self-critical thoughts like, "Why am I like this? “Why does this bother me?” “Why do I feel like no-one understands me?" It can result in over-compensating behaviors, feelings of shame and self-judgment, or even a complete physiological shutdown.

We're all sensitive about certain things, but there are traits that highly sensitive people tend to have in common. Let’s look at some of them to get a clearer picture.

Twelve Common Traits of Highly Sensitive People

1. Deep Processing and Analyzing

Highly sensitive people think a lot. Our brains are wired to process information deeply and from every angle. We notice things that other people miss, and we rock at attention to detail.

This deep processing and reflecting means we're more prone to negative overthinking and can easily spiral into worry, comparison, and anxiety. I find that journaling helps. A lot. Getting "stinkin' thinkin'" out of my head and onto paper helps me let go of negativity. Paying attention to my breath, taking deep breaths, and taking breaks to clear my mind also work wonders.

2. Emotional Intensity

For HSPs, emotions can be like a rollercoaster. We feel not only our own emotions but also pick up the emotions of people around us—even if they don't express them. We notice the tiniest details like tone and body language and might react—or “overreact”—to things others haven’t even noticed. This can lead to emotional exhaustion, which can easily be mistaken for disinterest, social anxiety, or just being in 'a mood,' causing misunderstandings or conflicts.

Our stronger emotional reactions mean we feel both pleasant and unpleasant situations much deeper. We find joy and satisfaction in the smallest things. I’ve cried many happy tears sharing delicious meals with family and friends. Slowing down and enjoying simple moments like this feels like pure joy.

3. Brought Easily to Tears

It’s true. We do cry quite a bit. Because of our deep processing, empathy, and intense feelings, we tend to cry more easily. Our threshold for what’s “cry-worthy” is lower, but that's just because we feel things so deeply. As an HSP in an insensitive world, you might have been shamed for crying or called a crybaby. Hear me—you are perfect. Your tears are needed in a world that’s often too callous.

4. Sensing the Subtle

What’s often evident or obvious to us HSPs might be missed by other people. Because we take in so much information from our environment, we’re hyper-aware of non-verbal cues and changes around us. This sensitivity means we can easily pick up on someone’s mood from their body language or feel unsettled by a messy environment.

Clutter in my office? No thank you. It drives me wild.

5. Overstimulation

We HSPs tire more quickly and tend to avoid intense situations that make us feel overwhelmed. That party with 50+ people? Yeah, we might not go or leave early. When too much information or outside noise comes our way, we tend to feel completely stressed out.

A lengthy to-do list with a strict deadline can make us anxious just thinking about it. Pre-planning is incredibly useful. By scheduling time to read through tasks carefully and breaking them into manageable pieces, we can tackle them one step at a time. This way, by the time the deadline comes, we feel less overwhelmed and more at ease.

Are You a Highly Sensitive Person? Take The Quiz.

6. Jumpy

Loud noises startle highly sensitive souls. Because our nervous systems spend a lot of time dialed up to high, HSPs tend to have a high startle reflex - even in non-threatening situations. If someone sneaks up on us, we jump like a frightened cat.

7. Hangry

HSPs tend to react more strongly to blood sugar ups and downs. Low blood sugar hits us harder and faster, leading to irritability and brain fog. Being an HSP means you're more prone to becoming hangry, especially since others might not realize how quickly and intensely you react. You might not feel comfortable asking for food in certain settings, like during a therapy session or a work meeting.

“Hangry” has caused more than one argument around my house, so I’ve learned it’s essential to eat (and hydrate) regularly. Acknowledging and keeping on top of this has been a game changer for me.

8. Perfectionism

If you're an HSP, you probably have a perfectionist streak. You notice every little detail and can’t help but fix anything that seems “off.” We tend to set the bar high for ourselves and everyone around us. When we make mistakes, or things don't go as planned, we can be our own worst critics and end up feeling like failures. This is hard on us and on our relationships too. But this attention to detail also means we can do really amazing things when we learn to balance our perfectionism with self-compassion.

9. Shy, Weird, Anxious…

Our culture has strong views on what is normal and valuable. Nonconformists of any type are often misunderstood, as if there's something wrong with them instead of the standards we use to judge. Being a Highly Sensitive Person in an insensitive world can make you feel like a weirdo or a misfit. Sensitivity is often seen as a flaw, but the qualities that are usually valued—stoic, strong, conventional—are really pretty boring.

It's time to own our weirdness.

10. Sensitivity and Taking Things Personally

Because we naturally think about comments from all angles, HSPs can sometimes take things personally and more seriously than others. Sometimes words hurt. While someone making a joke might not realize it’s hurtful, they’re not thinking as deeply about it. Your genuine empathy means you easily see what could hurt someone else’s (or your own) feelings.

Being a Highly Sensitive Person in an insensitive world means you might have to remind yourself that not all jokes are funny to you. If the joke were funny, you’d laugh.

11. A Hard Time With Criticism

The he same goes for criticism. Because of the way we’re wired, HSPs react to criticism with deep processing and feeling. Add to this the reinforcement from culture, family, and friends that there’s something wrong with you at your core, and criticism can really sting. Being a Highly Sensitive Person can mean we’re misunderstood and often considered high maintenance.

12. People Pleasing and Social Pressure

Being a Highly Sensitive Person means you might feel tempted to pretend to be someone you’re not. When HSPs struggle to meet societal expectations due to their sensitivity, it can lead to feelings of being weird or odd. You might feel pressured to be outgoing or assertive to fit in. Learning about high sensitivity can make all the difference.

There’s nothing 'too much' about you. You are just right.

Conclusion

Are you moved to tears by the smallest thing? Do emotions overwhelm you? Quiet people may be sensitive, but sensitive people aren’t quiet anymore. The hashtag #HSP has more than 498 million views on TikTok. Comedian Miranda Hart tweeted: “When I found out I was HSP it truly changed and saved my life.” Celebrities like Lorde, Nicole Kidman, Alanis Morissette, and Kanye West have publicly identified as highly sensitive.

Growing up as a sensitive kid in a not-so-sensitive world was tough. I was the kid who would rather be up a tree reading a book than at a noisy, overwhelming place like Disneyland. But embracing being an HSP means recognizing that our traits are not flaws, but strengths. It’s about understanding ourselves better and finding ways to thrive in a world that might not always understand us.

I love that I can breathe a sigh of relief knowing that being kind of weird is just how my brain is wired. It's not a character flaw, thin skin, or because I'm bad. I'm just different.

So, here’s to proudly owning and celebrating all parts of the unique, interesting, and sensitive perspective we each bring to the world.

A Few Self-Care Tips for HSPs

Taking care of yourself is crucial for thriving as a Highly Sensitive Person. Here are a few additional self-care tips:

• Create a Calm Space: Have a quiet, clutter-free area where you can retreat to relax and recharge.

• Set Boundaries: Learn to say no to situations or people that overwhelm you.

• Practice Mindfulness: Engage in activities like meditation or yoga to help manage stress.

• Get Enough Sleep: As an HSP, having a sleep routine and getting enough Z’s is essential.

• Connect with Supportive People: Surround yourself with friends and family who understand and respect your sensitivity.
  
  Are you highly sensitive? Take Elaine Aron’s  Highly Sensitive Person Quiz
  
  

Check out: Why Is Self-Care So Challenging for Highly Sensitive People?

My blog posts are simply my reflections and thoughts on mental health topics. These blog posts do not replace therapy or getting the support by a licensed mental health professional.

All rights reserved: Tori Corbett Counseling. 2024